The Fall Of OJ Hara

Art by Enuku Lipenga

The year was 2015, I had finally gotten clean from a nasty drug habit and cut out all the toxicity. I was at a new University after failing at my first try. A fresh start. That’s all I needed.

I remember the beginning so vividly. Everything from your polkadot orange shirt, to the humidity in the air. We were walking towards each other and I remember gazing into your hazel eyes, trying to remember where I saw them the first time. Little did I know that extra second I took to gaze into your hypnotizing eyes would be the beginning of my demise.

It even took me weeks to figure out you were taking the same module as I. I don’t remember who reached out first but as soon as we first talked my heart had already decided it’d do anything to have you. I remember how in denial you were about how much your heart beat for mine. Your tactics so sublime, telling me how devoted you are to the church, how you had a boyfriend and you loved each other, yet we would spend more and more time.

From the beginning, our union was a crime and so, I remember having to sneak in and out of your room like a thief in the night, denying my love for you to keep hold of our little lie.
Do you remember the first time? Not the first kiss, fast forward to THE first time, you stepped into that boxed-in room of mine on my birthday and our bodies combined almost as if the stars aligned, we went on holiday uncertain about what to call you and I. All I knew was I was your own and you were mine.

I’ll always hold dear the good, even the little bad that was nestled in-between the good. Like how it felt out of place when you weren’t there with me to share a plate. How you drove all my friends away and made me choose between your bed and my mates.

It was a year I gained true love and I will always thank you for that. I will always thank you for showing me that you can be best friends with the one you love. All the laughs and the long unplanned walks really made me appreciate the importance of company. Then the summer came and so did the end of our little lie.

I should have listened to my heart the first time we met. I should have been wiser when you accused me of cheating even though I spent the summer shrugging off every girl I met.

My body knew I lost you the first time I spooned with you and it felt all wrong and unkempt. Your wore a fragrance of guilt, all of sudden your body didn’t fit snuggly where my arms met, A foreigner had entered my bed. You went from going through my phone to always typing away to others and have me feeling alone.
I should have been suspicious. I should have hounded you like you would me; but I’d never been an advocate for tit-for-tat, you were still perfect to me.

My love was your drug, and I guess like all drugs eventually your body gets used and you need to up the dosage, but I was giving you my all, but it wasn’t enough anymore.

I’ll remember the first time opening the conversation with your so-called “cousin” and reality hitting me like a brick wall.
I remember seeing all your exes listed down on your recent conversations, hell I remember how you fought so hard for me not to go through your phone.
I remember the tears i shed for you when I decided it was time to let you go. I remember how irrational you were because you didn’t think I’d be brave enough to let you go. I remember how it only took you 3 days for you to find another. Fitting, as even I stole you from another.

I remember how, despite all the advice and support from my friends I drunkenly came back to you at my most vulnerable and admitted I still needed you. I remember the looks of defeat from everyone around me when they saw us together. I was convinced you couldn’t possibly make matters worse and with time people would forget you caused such a mess.

Its like I knew dating you the second time was a mistake but I secretly hoped you’d prove me and everyone else wrong.
We fell into old routines but I couldn’t find that girl I fell in love with. I was dating a foreigner. It wasn’t long before I knew it was over for good. I felt hurt at how seamless you discarded this new guy and had me doing things that you two bonded over.

It wasn’t long before you started faking arguments to sleep alone. But you never did sleep alone did you? You left me feeling guilty while you fiddled around with another. I bared with the pain of knowing I lost the real you till I couldn’t bare no more.

I remember the day I let you go. I watched you fake another argument and go to your room off campus, you purposely only let me walk you halfway. I remember sitting on my bed patiently waiting for midnight. I remember walking in the dead of night to your place. I remember the surprise in your voice to hear me on the other side of your voice. I remember you denying having someone in your room even though the guard told me otherwise.

I write this with no anger, no pleasure, no will to spite or stretch to gain,
I write this to remember before time washes your memories away
So that my future self, may re-read this letter one day,
And remember why I called this, “The Fall Of OJ“